New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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