I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We are two peas in an std pod
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
