Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
