some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
