How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
