I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
