So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
