You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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