Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
