shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
