Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
