he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
