I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
