i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
