and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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