omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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