Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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