Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
