I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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