i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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