as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
