That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
