If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
