That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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