Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
