I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
