Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your cock deserves a montage
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
