and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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