I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
