Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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