It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
