Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
