and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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