Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
