I skipped work to stalk him.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
