dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
