I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
