I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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