So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
