I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
