We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
