My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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