YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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