dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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