The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
