i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sobbing to NWA
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
