So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
