TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
