You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
