he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
