planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
