there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
