Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
