they need to just BURY HIM!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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