You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
