I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
