i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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